Welcome to 'Roundhead Roundtable', where we think inside the box. I'm your host, Humphrey Burroughs, and joining me this week to fit their round pegs into our square hole are our regular guests, Grover Columbus of the Center for Public Policy in the Private Interest...
"Good to be here, Humphrey"
...Victoria Bassington-Bassington, Senior Scholar at the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute for Foreign Relations...
"Quid est nomine tibi, Humphrey"
...Max Werkover-Thyme, Editor-at-Large of Newspeak Magazine...
"The print media need government support, Humphrey"
...and joining us this week to discuss the latest events surrounding the Gulf oil spill, Jason Sleekit, spokesman for the Members' Institute for Safety and Health in American Petroleum, or MISHAP, an oil industry group.
"As you can see, I'm not the least bit British, Humphrey"
Alright, issue one: this week, Judge Martin Feldman of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana struck down the Obama Administration's six month moratorium on deep-water oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, calling it "punitive", and stating that it would cause "irreparable" harm to businesses. Gov. Jindal of Louisiana applauded the decision, stating that the moratorium would have amounted to a second man-made disaster, while environmental groups, including Greenfleece and Friend of the Sea, condemned the decision as irresponsible, stating that it places the entire Gulf region at further risk of major environmental damage.
First to you, Grover. Disaster averted, or disaster aggravated?
"Averted, Humphrey. The fact of the matter is that there are 30000 off-shore wells in the Gulf of Mexico, and over the past 40 years there have only been 2 major well blow-outs, including the present leak. Indeed, the long-term effects of the Ixtoc blow-out have proven to be largely non-existent. The very small risk of another accident of this kind compared with the immense continuing requirement for domestic oil production makes the Administration's proposed moratorium not only unnecessary, but foolhardy. My position is unrelated to the fact that a major oil magnate funds my fellowship."
Victoria?
"Aggravated. As was made so painfully clear during Tony Hayward's testimony before Congress last week, no one yet has a complete understanding of the causes of this disaster, and the potential costs of another such catastrophic failure, no matter how purportedly unlikely, more than justify our waiting until all the facts are in. If the oil majors wish to continue exploiting the Gulf, they would do well to pressure BP to be more forthcoming. In the meantime, the precautionary principle must apply. My position is unrelated to the green technology firms for which I regularly consult."
What say you, Max?
"No question, Humphrey. What we're seeing in the Gulf now is an environmental Anschluss, and this Feldman might as well change his name to 'Chamberlain'. If we don't draw a line in the sand now, the tarballs will. We need to look clearly at the real cost of America's oil dependency: millions of dead children. We can power this entire nation with clean, renewable wind power by 2020 if we just reduce the size of the economy by 80%. That's a small price to pay for the future, isn't it? This tragedy has already wiped out 50000 miles of irreplaceable coastal ecosystem. Mark my words: another spill like this will complete the environmental Holocaust, or my name's Godwin."
Mr. Sleekit?
"What absolute poop, Max. Humphrey, this brave man, Judge Feldman, has definitely averted a disaster for America just as bad- frankly, worse- than anything we've seen so far in history. Friends, this is what defines us as a nation: faith, family, friends, deep-sea oil drilling. The brave men and women of the domestic oil industry are working every day to keep this nation up and running, and this Administration needs to recognize that. We need to look at the big picture: a recent MISHAP study has indicated that NOT continuing deep-sea oil exploration for more than 5 weeks will not only devastate members' bottom lines, but could cause the extinction of the rare drilling mud carbuncle. The oil industry won't abide a preventable environmental catastrophe of this sort, which is why blocking this moratorium was vital.
And I hate to say it, Humphrey, but I can't be anything but absolutely 100% honest with your viewers: these so-called environmental groups supporting the drilling ban hate America, and they hate Freedom. Why do you think Judge Feldman has been receiving death threats since he handed down his decision? If we stop drilling in the Gulf, friends, the terrorists win."
And the impact on the market of the Administration's decision to appeal, on a scale of 1 to 7, 1 being the unreliability of iPhone 4 antennas and 7 being the assassination of Jean-Claude Trichet?
"2; a substantial blow if it's overturned, but the Fifth Circuit isn't going to overrule this. I was at Choate with Judge Jones, and she'll keep it on even keel."
"1; it should be overturned, and it will be. A reasonable amount of caution in this case will be no more harmful to the domestic oil industry than it was to the nuclear industry."
"3; these dinosaurs are going to learn their time is through. I, for one, won't miss them. Roll on the Green Revolution! Viva fotovoltaica!"
"7; I advise your viewers to hide their gold in their mattresses and invest in seeds."
Very good; Now turning our attention to...
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